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I have been very busy with my jobs lately. There have been visitors and I am in charge of watching the visitors. First there were three people and one of them was very tiny. I liked the tiny human but Al and Hobbes feared her because they are imbeciles.
Then there were two other visitors, and I also liked them. And there is a new person who lives in the house now. I think her name is Greedy Jerk because on her first day here she ate salmon and didn't give me any even though I really wanted it. So I tried to steal it but Food Lady thwarted me.
The other day while everyone was sleeping I puked up some giant pukes all over the bedroom, as one does. Food Lady woke up to clean it and then got upset at me for no good reason, just because the pukes were green plastic grass. She left me alone just long enough that I got complacent and then she grabbed me, shoved me in a box, and dragged me to the vet. He prodded my stomach and it was an indignity, and plus I'm pretty sure he was insulting me and laughing at me. Then I got to come home, but I have not forgotten this affront to my honor.
I have also been busy with my other job. My other job is that whenever Hobbes is happy and purrs, I have to punch him in the face. It is my most important job.
Then there were two other visitors, and I also liked them. And there is a new person who lives in the house now. I think her name is Greedy Jerk because on her first day here she ate salmon and didn't give me any even though I really wanted it. So I tried to steal it but Food Lady thwarted me.
The other day while everyone was sleeping I puked up some giant pukes all over the bedroom, as one does. Food Lady woke up to clean it and then got upset at me for no good reason, just because the pukes were green plastic grass. She left me alone just long enough that I got complacent and then she grabbed me, shoved me in a box, and dragged me to the vet. He prodded my stomach and it was an indignity, and plus I'm pretty sure he was insulting me and laughing at me. Then I got to come home, but I have not forgotten this affront to my honor.
I have also been busy with my other job. My other job is that whenever Hobbes is happy and purrs, I have to punch him in the face. It is my most important job.
I am Cary Grant
Nov. 25th, 2012 02:49 pmI got a new bandana yesterday. I love it! I look dapper in it. And suave. Also jaunty.( I am handsome. )
I have returned
Oct. 21st, 2012 10:48 pmI have been silent for a long time. It is because I am very angry. The worst thing happened. ( This lives here now: )
There is also a new person in the house, though, and that is good so that's why I am finally breaking my silence. She is Cruella Deville because she said she was going to make slippers out of Al. I think we will be friends.
There is also a new person in the house, though, and that is good so that's why I am finally breaking my silence. She is Cruella Deville because she said she was going to make slippers out of Al. I think we will be friends.
Lap Blanket!
Jun. 11th, 2012 08:13 pmLap Blanket is still here! We have shared three special touches. The new kind is that I like to try to lick her leg while she is in the bathroom. I only do this for Lap Blanket. No one else is good enough.
I also found a secret way into Elusive Man's room! I stayed inside for an hour. I touched all of his things and left him a secret surprise. He has not found it yet.
I have lots of plans for this week. I think I will puke one puke and fling two poops. I will sit with Lap Blanket and I will leave one more surprise for Elusive Man. I will probably also break one cup but maybe two.
PS: Rice Chips just touched me inappropriately so I will also scratch her and eat her things.
I also found a secret way into Elusive Man's room! I stayed inside for an hour. I touched all of his things and left him a secret surprise. He has not found it yet.
I have lots of plans for this week. I think I will puke one puke and fling two poops. I will sit with Lap Blanket and I will leave one more surprise for Elusive Man. I will probably also break one cup but maybe two.
PS: Rice Chips just touched me inappropriately so I will also scratch her and eat her things.
Lap Blanket is here! She is here and I sat on her lap! But with no blanket because she says it is too hot. >:[
Yesterday morning I puked three giant pukes at 5:00 AM. On the bedroom carpet. And today I flung two poops in the closet.
I also broke Rice Chips' favorite glass a few weeks ago. I did it on purpose to make her sad.
Yesterday morning I puked three giant pukes at 5:00 AM. On the bedroom carpet. And today I flung two poops in the closet.
I also broke Rice Chips' favorite glass a few weeks ago. I did it on purpose to make her sad.
This. Shall. Not. Stand.
May. 10th, 2012 09:22 pmThe intruder is still here. No one has called the police. Why has no one called the police? What is wrong with everyone?
I think she might be straight up psychotic. I went to go say hi to her and she tried to cut me in the face. In the face! Who does that?
Especially this face. It is the best face. I mean, look at it.
This is nonsense. I am going to start acting out until the people get rid of her. I already pulled down the curtains. Twice. And I tossed some poop out of the box.
I am also going to prey on the intruder's evident mental instability and wage psychological warfare. Today I spent all morning standing in her litter box while she was trapped under the bed. I stood in the litter box and stared at her. She could not leave without passing me, so she did not leave.
That was actually before she tried to cut me in the face.
If I push hard enough, she will snap and the people will be forced to dump her. I shall prevail.
I shall prevail.
I think she might be straight up psychotic. I went to go say hi to her and she tried to cut me in the face. In the face! Who does that?
Especially this face. It is the best face. I mean, look at it.
This is nonsense. I am going to start acting out until the people get rid of her. I already pulled down the curtains. Twice. And I tossed some poop out of the box.
I am also going to prey on the intruder's evident mental instability and wage psychological warfare. Today I spent all morning standing in her litter box while she was trapped under the bed. I stood in the litter box and stared at her. She could not leave without passing me, so she did not leave.
That was actually before she tried to cut me in the face.
If I push hard enough, she will snap and the people will be forced to dump her. I shall prevail.
I shall prevail.
Rice Chips has left me! She left today with a large suitcase and she has not returned. There were no butt times tonight.
I do not know when she will come back and when I can expect a return of butt times.
I think she is probably dead and will never come back. :(
I am forlorn. Forlorn!
I do not know when she will come back and when I can expect a return of butt times.
I think she is probably dead and will never come back. :(
I am forlorn. Forlorn!
Nunc est bibendum
Feb. 29th, 2012 09:48 pmGrey Mouse came back! He smells different and his tail and face and ears grew back, and his fur is longer than it ever was, but he is back. He also brought Red Dot back with him. Red Dot had been missing for months so to have them both come back at once was magical.
I was so excited to see Red Dot on that first day that I ran face first into the front door. The people laughed at me but I did it on purpose so they should not laugh. I punished them by sitting in the hall for an hour instead of with them.
Today Food Lady tried to brush me so I slashed her finger open. Then I ate a chunk of my own fur from out of the brush. Later I'll probably puke it.
I have also been watching Quantum Leap with the people. I like it because it is a show about me. I don't like Al very much though. He is sometimes mean to T.V. Me.
Here is me with Grey Mouse.
I was so excited to see Red Dot on that first day that I ran face first into the front door. The people laughed at me but I did it on purpose so they should not laugh. I punished them by sitting in the hall for an hour instead of with them.
Today Food Lady tried to brush me so I slashed her finger open. Then I ate a chunk of my own fur from out of the brush. Later I'll probably puke it.
I have also been watching Quantum Leap with the people. I like it because it is a show about me. I don't like Al very much though. He is sometimes mean to T.V. Me.
Here is me with Grey Mouse.
Today I took a personality test to figure out my Myers-Briggs type. I am an ESFP! The internet tells me that it means I am very popular but not a thinker. I think it is right that I'm popular, but wrong that I'm not a thinker. I have lots of thoughts. They are good thoughts.
But it says that other people with my type are Bill Clinton, Ronald Reagan, Arsenio Hall, Steve Irwin, Elvis, and Christ's disciple Mark. That explains my deep affinity for St. Mark and Elvis. The internet doesn't say, but I think Cary Grant was probably also an ESFP, because I was Cary Grant in my last life.
Food Lady said Keanu Reeves is probably also an ESFP. I do not understand what she is implying. Surely not that I am like Keanu. Because I am Cary Grant.
Today I also ate some floor dirt and a goldfish cracker.
( I am a performer )
But it says that other people with my type are Bill Clinton, Ronald Reagan, Arsenio Hall, Steve Irwin, Elvis, and Christ's disciple Mark. That explains my deep affinity for St. Mark and Elvis. The internet doesn't say, but I think Cary Grant was probably also an ESFP, because I was Cary Grant in my last life.
Food Lady said Keanu Reeves is probably also an ESFP. I do not understand what she is implying. Surely not that I am like Keanu. Because I am Cary Grant.
Today I also ate some floor dirt and a goldfish cracker.
Mirror stage
Feb. 6th, 2012 10:35 pmThere are many bad things in my life, but the worst is that I have a friend who I can never touch. He is stuck in the mirror in the hallway and I see him every day. Sometimes I try to free him by pawing at the mirror, but it never works. He seems sad when I see him. I think he is lonely and hungry in there. He is also very handsome, just like me. But not quite as handsome because I am the handsomest.
The people are the worst because they could help me free him but they never do. So now I have to keep having no friends when I could have one friend. I hate them.
Also, Rice Chips keeps talking about getting me tiny kitten minions but she has not done it yet. I hate her the most because I should have minions. Three minions.
The people are the worst because they could help me free him but they never do. So now I have to keep having no friends when I could have one friend. I hate them.
Also, Rice Chips keeps talking about getting me tiny kitten minions but she has not done it yet. I hate her the most because I should have minions. Three minions.
Today I ate a thing. Was it a thing that might get caught in my intestines? I'll never tell. I'm going to wait and make Food Lady worry all night. Maybe she'll even have to take me to the vet! For expensive x-rays!
I also got a new mouse that is named Grey Mouse. I have ripped off his face and tail but I still love him.
I have not had many visitors lately and that makes me angry. Only some. And none of them have brought me presents. I hate them.
I think I might miss Seat Stealer. But I would never admit it.
Later I think I might puke up some pukes.
I also got a new mouse that is named Grey Mouse. I have ripped off his face and tail but I still love him.
I have not had many visitors lately and that makes me angry. Only some. And none of them have brought me presents. I hate them.
I think I might miss Seat Stealer. But I would never admit it.
Later I think I might puke up some pukes.
Confusion!
Nov. 13th, 2011 12:00 amSeat Stealer is back! I am so confused! I thought she was dead but then she came back. At first I did not remember who she was but then I sniffed her shoes and it all came back to me.
As soon as I recognized her I ran to claim my seat, but of course it was for naught because she stole it anyway. I am sort of angry but it is sort of ok because I think I missed her a little bit.
Yesterday Food Lady and Seat Stealer went out and came back with big pieces of paper. They looked important so I jumped up onto Food Lady's and put a foot dent in it. She seemed displeased but I think what I did was good. It is much better now.
As soon as I recognized her I ran to claim my seat, but of course it was for naught because she stole it anyway. I am sort of angry but it is sort of ok because I think I missed her a little bit.
Yesterday Food Lady and Seat Stealer went out and came back with big pieces of paper. They looked important so I jumped up onto Food Lady's and put a foot dent in it. She seemed displeased but I think what I did was good. It is much better now.
I am a dragon
Nov. 3rd, 2011 11:02 pmToday I watched a movie about a me with wings. It was a black flying cat dragon. It was the best movie ever.
Otherwise my life is pretty bad. Everyone leaves me alone all day and all my fur mice are lost. And Rice Chips has been buying cheese rice chips even though she knows I like sea salt and lime. I hate her.
Also, Food Lady tried to clip my nails the other day even though I thought we had agreed that would never happen again. I hate her too. I hate everyone. Everyone! And I miss my fur mice.
Otherwise my life is pretty bad. Everyone leaves me alone all day and all my fur mice are lost. And Rice Chips has been buying cheese rice chips even though she knows I like sea salt and lime. I hate her.
Also, Food Lady tried to clip my nails the other day even though I thought we had agreed that would never happen again. I hate her too. I hate everyone. Everyone! And I miss my fur mice.
Abandonment
Sep. 19th, 2011 09:18 pmSeat Stealer is gone again and I think it might be forever. Interloper is gone too. Food Lady, Rice Chips, and Elusive Man keep leaving all day. I do not like this. I am not supposed to be left alone!
I am sitting on Food Lady right now. I think this is what I will do from now on--sit on the people. They cannot leave if I am holding them down!
It is also cold in the house. Very cold. Rice Chips has a fleece blanket with sheep on it and I think I am going to steal it. I love it more than she does so it should be mine.
I am sitting on Food Lady right now. I think this is what I will do from now on--sit on the people. They cannot leave if I am holding them down!
It is also cold in the house. Very cold. Rice Chips has a fleece blanket with sheep on it and I think I am going to steal it. I love it more than she does so it should be mine.
